You know you've lived in Spain when...

Pantallazo del grupo "You know you've lived in Spain when..." de Facebook

Sesenta y cuatro topicazos (se comieron el número trece al numerarlos, tal vez por superstición) dicen si has estado o no en España. Está en Facebook, esa comunidad de comunidades y creador de tantos insólitos grupos como recodos tenga la imaginación. Eso sí, con mucho sentido del humor, que para eso somos españoles. Aquí incluyo la susodicha lista de Shilder (en inglés, claro).

• 1) You think adding lemonade, fanta or even coke to red wine is a good idea.
• 2) You can't get over how early bars & clubs shut back home - surely they're shutting just as you should be going out?
• 3) You aren't just surprised that the plumber/decorator has turned up on time, you're surprised he turned up at all.
• 4) You've been part of a botellon.
• 5) You think it's fine to comment on everyone's appearance. And to openly stare at strangers.
• 6) Not giving every new acquaintance dos besos seems so rude.
• 7) You're shocked by people getting their legs out at the first hint of sun - surely they should wait until at least late June?
• 8) On msn you sometimes type 'jajaja' instead of 'hahaha'
• 9) You think that aceite de oliva is a vital part of every meal. And don't understand how anyone could think olive oil on toast is weird.
• 10) You're amazed when TV ad breaks last less than half an hour, especially right before the end of films.
• 11) You forget to say please when asking for things - you implied it in your tone of voice, right
• 12) You love the phenomenon of giving 'toques' - but hate explaining it in English
• 14) You don't see sunflower seeds as a healthy snack - they're just what all the cool kids eat.
• 15) You know what a pijo is and how to spot one.
• 16) Every sentence you speak contains at least one of these words: 'bueno,' 'coño,' 'vale,' 'venga,' 'pues nada'...
• 17) You know what a 'resaca' is.
• 18) You know how to eat boquerones.
• 19) A bull's head on the wall of a bar isn't a talking point for you, it's just a part of the decor.
• 20) You eat lunch after 2pm & would never even think of having your evening meal before 9.
• 21) You know that after 2pm there's no point in going shopping, you might as well just have a siesta until 5 when the shops re-open.
• 22) If anyone insults your mother, they better watch out...
• 23) You know how to change a bombona. And if you don't, you were either lazy or lucky enough to live somewhere nice.
• 24) It's not rude to answer the intercom to your flat by asking 'Quien?' (or maybe that was just my flatmate...)
• 25) You don't accept beer that's anything less than ice-cold.
• 26) You know Bimbo isn't a slutty woman, it's a make of 'pan de molde' (which, incidentally, isn't mouldy)
• 27) The sound of mopeds in the background is the soundtrack to your life.
• 28) You know that the mullet didn't just happen in the 80s. It is alive and well in Spain.
• 29) You know the difference between cojones and cajones, tener calor and estar caliente, bacalao and bakalao, pollo and polla, estar hecho polvo and echar un polvo...and maybe you learned the differences the hard way!
• 30) On some Sunday mornings you sometimes have breakfast before going to bed, not after you get up.
• 31) You don't see anything wrong with having a couple of beers before lunch if you feel like it.
• 32) Floors in certain bars are an ideal dumping ground for your colillas, servilletas etc. Why use a bin?!
• 33) You see clapping as an art form, not just a way to express approval.
• 34) You know ensaladilla rusa has nothing to do with Russia.
• 35) When you burst out laughing every time you see a Mitsubishi Pajero (thanks Stuart Line for reminding me of that one!)
• 36) You have friends named Jesus, Jose Maria, Maria Jose, Angel, maybe even Inmaculada Concepcion...
• 37) You know that 'ahora' doesn't really mean now. Hasta ahora, ahora vuelvo...etc
• 38)When you make arrangements to meet friends at 3, the first person turns up at 3.15...if you're lucky!
• 39) Central heating is most definitely a foreign concept. In winter, you just huddle around the heater under the table & pull the blanket up over your knees...and sleep with about 5 blankets on your bed! (OK I accepot this is probably just in the south!)
• 40) When you laugh, you don't laugh your head off - te partas de risa.
• 41) Aceite de oliva is 'muy sano', of course. So you help yourself to a bit more.
• 42)When women think that clear bra straps are in fact invisible.4
• 3) When it's totally normal for every kitchen to have a deep-fat fryer but no kettle.
• 44) Te cagas en la leche....
• 45) To avoid that cheap Eristoff vodka you have to ask for 'un esmirnoff'
• 46) When you know what a guiri is / have been called one
• 47) When you add 'super' in front of any adjective for emphasis
• 48) Blonde girls actually start to think their name is 'rubia'
• 49) When you accept that paying with a 50 euro note is going to get you a dirty look if you're buying something that costs less than 40 euros
• 50) If something is great, it's 'de puta madre'
• 51) You can eat up to 5 times a day - first breakfast, 2nd breakfast around 11.30, almuerzo, merienda, cena
• 52) You know the jingle for Los Cuarenta Principales...
• 53) If you see someone wearing a T-shirt with something written on it in English, you can almost guarantee it won't make sense. (Pebble Night was a personal favourite)
• 54) When you go into a bank/bakery etc, it's standard practice to ask 'Quien es la ultima?'
• 55) Who needs a dryer when you have a washing line outside the window of your apartment?
• 56) You know what 'marcha' and 'juerga' are.
• 57) You are more likely to call your friends tio/a, nena, chaval, macho or even tronco than their real name.
• 58) Love it or hate it, you can't escape reggaeton.
• 59) You answer the phone by saying 'Yes', (well, or 'Tell me') and when identifying yourself you say 'I'm...' not 'It's...'. But when you try those tactics back home, everyone thinks you're mad or rude!
• 60) You carry on buying UHT milk when you get back home and your friends think this is disgusting but you can't understand their point of view.
• 61) Jamon, jamon y mas jamon....(Can't say this was my favourite thing, being a a vegetarian and all, but I agree it's very much part of Spanish life!)
• 62) If you eat a lot of something, you're not going to 'turn into' it, you're going to 'get the face of it,' e.g 'te vas a poner cara de chocolate.' Somehow a lot more amusing!
• 63) Drinking coffee out of a glass is entirely normal.
• 64) 'Son las nueve, las ocho en Canarias' is how you are used to hearing radio DJs announce the time
• 65) You've been to your local town's feria/fiesta/semana santa

Aunque discrepo evidentemente de la veracidad de taitantos de ellos, y muchos son chorradas auténticas, he de reconocer que algunos ítems están currados, especialmente si te llamas Erasmus de segundo nombre.

Es verdad que el hecho en sí no debe sorprendernos mucho (arrastramos para lo bueno y para lo malo aquello del 'Spain is different'), pero si pensamos en cifras, la cosa cambia. Podemos pensar en los miembros de este grupo como clientes (42.142 miembros a día de hoy), en sus comentarios como prescripciones (3.882), en sus fotos (1.280), vídeos (26), tópicos de discusión (187 threads) y así tenemos todo un escaparate de opiniones que crean opiniones, además desinteresadamente, por mero entretenimiento. Y, por qué no, quien sabe si un instrumento de promoción en potencia, oiga.